David Harris is just like most single men. He was married, his wife and daughter were killed in a car crash and he’s just looking for someone new. Except, none of that’s true, and he’s really looking for the perfect family.
Dylan Walsh of TV’s “Nip/Tuck” stars as Harris, who meets recently-divorced mother of three Susan Harding (Sela Ward, “The Guardian”) while grocery shopping. After a whirlwind romance, they end up engaged after only six months.
But when Michael (Penn Badgley, TV’s “Gossip Girl”) comes home from middle school, he begins to see through David’s façade. And after neighbors begin to end up dead, Michael takes matters into his own hands and tries to expose his future stepfather for what he really is.
Now, every time Hollywood remakes another horror movie, it is guaranteed to be accompanied by a groan from most horror fans. Remakes have become the boil on the ass of Hollywood, and seeing as how they’re never as good as the original – in fact, they seem to completely miss the point most of the time – it logically seems that it will only be a matter of time before they are given up on entirely.
But most likely, that will never happen.
“The Stepfather,” from 1986, starred Terry O’Quinn (John Locke to all you “LOST” fans) as Jerry Blake. During his attempt to befriend his new stepdaughter, who is a bit of a bad girl, Jerry begins to realize that this is never going to be the perfect family that he imagined.
But the main issue with remaking this film is that Terry O’Quinn has the ability to play a man who is calculating, manipulative and smart. Dylan Walsh is a good actor, don’t get me wrong, but he just doesn’t carry the same screen presence. Because of this, it seems the movie begins to focus more on the son and his angst of having a new stepdad and getting over a rough past that they never quite flesh out.
Also, this movie has a surprisingly short amount of murders. Granted, it’s PG-13, but it carried the lamest deaths in the history of horror films. Pushing old people down the stairs and getting hit with vases are murders that should be left for a random drama, not a Halloween release slasher flick.
In addition, Penn Badgley has the personality and acting chops of a wet leaf, which only explains why almost every time he’s on screen he’s accompanied by his bikini-clad girlfriend, played by Amber Heard (“Pineapple Express”).
It’s never a good sign when the entire audience begins to laugh uncontrollably at the pivotal scene in the film, but in their defense, it was unclear whether it was a horror film at that point.
A combination of bad writing, horrible acting and an all-around poorly planned remake add up to a failure in every possible way. The only way this film could have been saved is if they burned the remake and played the original in all the theaters across the U.S.
So as we near closer to Halloween, and you find yourself saying, “We should go see a great horror flick to celebrate the season,” just remember that this is not it. Avoid at all costs. Don’t make me say, “I told you so.”