We will prevail, 2022: Satirical Essay

President Donald Trump spoke today about the conflict in China and how the recent bombing raid on Hong Kong has paved the way for American victory.

“The Chinese don’t have any clue what hit them,” he said. “They just don’t.”

He continued to speak about the glorious victory for the United States of America, noting the gallantry of our brave soldiers on the ground — most of which, you’ll recall, selflessly joined because of the draft in order to defend our great country from foreigners and to bring freedom to the east. “They’ll win,” he said to a cheering crowd. “Americans don’t lose.”

Thanks to our celebrated president’s boldness and disdain for anti-American ideals, the United States has been liberated of those pesky Muslims and Mexicans, who were terrorizing innocent Americans and destroying the economy. Now the country is free to rejoice in their unity and can focus on what is really important: defending our freedom from the Chinese, whose economic policies had previously challenged our own.

“We will meet force with force,” President Trump declared, referencing the June 16 attack back in 2021, in which five American tourists were barred from placing American flags in Tiananmen Square, Beijing — a clear assault on our freedom as proud Americans.

When asked about how he would respond to the Chinese, the president simply said, “I have a plan. Trust me, I have a plan and it’s a great plan.” Brilliant.

A thousand years America!


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