On Wednesday, April 16, Swoop will face charges in front of the supreme court.
During The Great Debate, held in the Student Center Ballroom at 6 p.m., EMU’s beloved mascot will stand trial after a particularly chaotic basketball game performance.
Swoop will face justice for his feather-ruffling behavior during a recent basketball game that can only be described as “ballet meets disaster film.”
What began as innocent high-kicks and spirited wing-flapping escalated into utter pandemonium. Witnesses report a trombone player toppling over, a sea of popcorn raining down from the upper bleachers, and a wave of confusion that left referees questioning both the laws of physics and decency.
The administration responded with swift and controversial judgment: a lifetime ban for Swoop from all future sporting events.
Jack Zelaney is representing Eastern Michigan University’s administration in the trial.
“The regulation imposed on Swoop is in the best interest of students, faculty, and visiting players at sporting events," Zelaney said. "At present, Swoop acts like a menace to society; his dancing and bird flapping have initiated chaotic breakdowns in safety and public order. Irrelevant of whatever message Swoop conveys at sporting events, the university has created a reasonable regulation on Swoop's conduct to protect students and prevent future chaos. As important as the freedom of speech is, the First Amendment is not absolute, and the university is using power consistent with the First Amendment to ensure everyone can feel safe attending a basketball game while preserving the university's beloved mascot. ”
Students, outraged by what they’ve labeled “an unforgivable act of mascot censorship,” are flocking to the event, feathers and protest signs in hand.
Elizabeth Yacks is representing Swoop's defense.
"A university campus is a quintessential marketplace for the free exchange of ideas, and school mascots embody that spirit, serving as powerful symbols of identity, unity, and pride for students, faculty, and alumni alike," Yacks said. "Mr. Swoop, through his natural expression — his flapping wings — communicates this spirit in a way only an eagle can. By banning him from sporting events, the university is not only stifling school spirit but also infringing on a fundamental First Amendment right. Freedom of expression is the cornerstone of democracy, and restricting Mr. Swoop’s participation undermines this very principle. The university should uphold, not suppress, the traditions and freedoms that define an academic community."
Swoop, along with Bigfoot and a group of alien invaders, will be tried at The Great Debate in the Student Center Ballroom at 6:00. EMU’s Moot Court, Mock Trial, and Model U.N. organizations will host this satirical showdown in collaboration with Pi Sigma Alpha, EMU's political science honors society.
Representing Team Swoop is moot court standout Elizabeth Yacks, while Jack Zelany will argue on behalf of the administration and its hardline anti-chaos stance. The panel of justices will include professors and local dignitaries moonlighting as legal eagles, promising equal parts judgment and dramatic flair.
The Great Debate Event Schedule:
- 6–7 p.m.: Demos by Moot Court, Mock Trial, and Model U.N. (20 minutes each)
- 7-9 p.m.: A student vs. professor debate on the real pressing questions—like “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” and “Is cereal just cold soup?” Losers will be ceremoniously pied, so bring your arguments (and maybe a poncho).
The event is LBC 3 approved, and the evening will also feature food, games, raffles, and big prizes.
Whether you're curious about joining one of these student orgs or just want to see Swoop defend his honor, The Great Debate is a can’t-miss campus event. Students interested in learning more or getting involved can attend the event or email mockmootemu@gmail.com.
