Imagine the concept of David Letterman’s “Top 10” list reinvented in a book with wittier sarcasm, humor and bizarre tales. Now throw into that pot Jesus flapjacks, giggly grandmothers who serve a delicacy of poison plums, karaoke brawls to “We Are the Champions” and cocaine-stuffed Tickle Me Elmos. “Tastes like Human: The Shark Guys’ Book of Bitingly Funny Lists” by Noel Boivin and Chris Lombardo is that book.
“Tastes Like Human” brings an order to the chaos on their favorite subjects that aren’t trivial gossip: the greatest accomplishments while sitting, exploding animals and horniest cult leaders.
Over-the-top PETA campaign ideas such as singer Seal and former Navy Seal/pro-wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura saving seals from Canadian hunters. And eliminating cow bells in music, which is insane. You always need more cowbells.
Through all the laughter and exploding whales, I managed to choose my top three favorites that illustrate my appreciation of sarcasm, irony and weird humor.
“Murderers & Star Signs” – Genius! The balance of the disconnected astrological predictions regarding their star sign used to understand the criminal’s personality and the hideous crimes they’ve committed.
In the case of killer Nannie “Giggling Granny” Doss, her meals were in her mind full of love or better yet arsenic. Yet her astrological sign proclaims that “Spending time with a Scorpio is rewarding.”
Not exactly rewarding for the 11 family members she killed, including five husbands, the first whom she said got on her nerves.
“10 Reasons to Keep Found Items” – As expressed by the Shark Guys, who knew that rewarding yourself with others’ possessions could help teach the loser to break their materialistic attachment?
During a trip to Briarwood Mall, I watched a guy pick up a $100 bill several steps ahead of me before he pranced off with joy. Tragic and after all the times I wished money would appear before my feet.
“Top 6 Karaoke-Inspired Acts of Violence” – Word of advice: if you sing “Yellow” by Coldplay, you’d better have a flawless pitch or prepare to use your microphone as protection.
On the other hand, one awkward moment was seeing my journalism major and possible minors on the “Top 10 Easiest College Majors” list.
It described journalism simply as being an “utter dead zone” that leads to interns replacing veteran journalists due to cutbacks.
I beg to differ; this is an informative career for those who have something to contribute and evolve. Examples: Ed Bradley and of course Oprah Winfrey.
The other awkward moment occurred with the “11 Elevator Etiquette Guidelines” list, which I totally identified with except one:
“Any able-bodied person who gets on at the ground floor and presses the button for the second floor deserves to be taken up in a space capsule, shot out the garage chute and left to asphyxiate in the cosmos.”
I proudly live on the second floor of my dorm, so I object and will continue to use the elevator. Besides, what makes the first floor so special? And why does the third floor get away with just a swift punch to the kidneys?
With all the madness of the melting pot brewing, the Shark Guys are brilliant with their eye for sorting these bizarre tales with their eccentric narration.
Overall I recommend “Taste Like Human” as a fun read that’s a great conversation starter in either a bar or over a bowl of arsenic-free fruit.
If you’d like to purchase this book and see more lists, go to TheSharkGuys.com
