I’m an unabashed affection whore, I’m not ashamed to admit.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than a nice, warm hug or a session of cozy cuddles. I’ve become rather famous for it, actually. Someone actually made a Facebook Fan Page for the Hugs of Jeff.

But hugging and cuddling proficiency, like music or sports, does not come easily. Sure, there’s a certain affectionate instinct some people have more than others, but there is also technique, and technique can be taught.

Some people, when faced with a cuddle opportunity, get very nervous. Sometimes it’s for legitimate reasons, such as not feeling comfortable enough with your potential cuddle partner yet. Sometimes, though, it’s nothing more than performance anxiety.

With that in mind, I have decided to devote today’s TMP to the art of the cuddle. I will be providing my expert guidance, free of charge, to all of my loyal readers. I will be describing three of my favorite cuddles and giving helpful tips on each. Follow my instructions, and your next cuddle opportunity should be your best.

If you have any doubts regarding my qualifications, of course, feel free to stop me on campus and ask for a hug. I’m more than happy to oblige.

And with that being said, on to the cuddles!

The Couch Cuddle

The first principle of cuddling? Size matters. Cuddling is really finding the most comfortable way to fit two (or more) bodies together in a particular situation. That being said, you must take into account the cuddlers’ body types and sizes to find the best position.

Take the Couch Cuddle, for example. One of the most popular cuddle-worthy times is while watching a movie or TV while laying on the couch. A Couch Cuddle has the potential for several logistical problems, though.

Couches come in different sizes. I’m 6’8”, so I don’t always fit on a couch. As a side note, why do they call it a love seat? They’re far too short to do any type of “loving” in. It’s like the back seat of a Porsche.

Stretching your legs out over the arm of the couch doesn’t work because it’s not very comfortable. I recommend the taller cuddler lie on his side farthest from the television with his legs bent to fit on the couch, and the shorter cuddler just fit into the contour of his body.

The biggest dilemma of cuddling, though, is what to do with your arms. If you’re laying on your right side, the left arm is easy. Just drape it around her waist. That way, she can hold your hand or wrap it around her like a blanket. The age-old question, though, is what to do with your other arm.

Try this. There is a space below her neck that is a pretty good size for an arm. Try sticking your arm through it, though, and it’ll be asleep in a matter of minutes. Guys, shift yourself up so your head is above hers (she might have to inch down a bit, too). Now you can comfortably slide your other arm around her.

Added bonus? It also keeps her hair out of your mouth.

The Face-To-Face Cuddle

There are times when you’re not watching TV and you want to face each other. These have the potential to be very intimate times. It’s really tough to find the right position, though, because you’re either hugging and can’t look into each other’s eyes, or you’re face-to-face and missing out on the intimacy of physical contact.

The Face-to-Face Cuddle is a waist-down cuddle. Both cuddlers should have their waists level with each other and the taller cuddler bends his knee and places it between the other cuddler’s thighs.

The waist then become a pivot-point and you can keep your faces any distance from each other you want. This provides a heightened level of intimacy over traditional face-to-face cuddles.

The Movie Theater Cuddle

Movie theaters have made cuddling during movies so much easier. In yesteryear (I think that was 1985), movie theater seats were small, uncomfortable and had tiny armrests that didn’t move.

Today, we have stadium seating with plush seats, plenty of leg room and armrests that you can lift up to facilitate comfy cuddles.

Side note, some theaters also serve alcohol, potentially making the movie the least interesting thing to watch in a theater.

You could always cuddle in the theater the old-fashioned way. Just put your arm around your date’s shoulder (make sure you pretend to yawn first) and sit there until you’ve lost all feeling in that appendage and it has been ripped from its socket.

There is a better way, though. First, lift up the armrest between you and put your coat (or anything soft) in the corner of the other armrest. Next, shift your weight so you are leaning against that coat. You’ve now put yourself in a semi-reclining position, and your date can lay down across your chest and you can comfortably drape your arm over hers.

This makes an ideal position for the combination of cuddling and hand-holding. Extra nice!

There are an infinite number of different ways to cuddle, but these three examples should give you a head start on making your next cuddle your best cuddle.

Happy cuddling.

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