This week I have a special treat for you wonderful readers. I’d like to introduce you to Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph. D., one of the world’s foremost sexologists and the author of several books on the topic of human sexuality. Those books include “Different Loving” (An Exploration of Sexual Dominance & Submission, a Groundbreaking Study on BDSM/Fetish Subcultures), “Come Hither” (A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex, for Novices and Experienced Alike) and, her most recent book, “The Truth About Sex Volume 1: Sex and the Self” (A Sex Primer for the 21st Century).
Dr. Brame has been quoted and featured in magazines such as GQ, Men’s Health, Maxim, Playboy and Redbook. Now she’s bringing all her sexual expertise to The Eastern Echo to help me answer your questions this week. I’m very glad to be sharing the same pages as her in a publication, let alone be working with her. Her knowledge and wisdom in the area of sexuality is something that I sincerely admire and hope to match one day.
Enough with the flattery, even though it is much deserved, let’s get into solving your sexual queries and conundrums.
I always hear people talk about girls being loose, but I’m not sure what they’re talking about. I’m a female, is this something I should be worried about?
Dr. Brame – No, it’s a myth that taps into women’s fear that being too sexually free will have negative consequences. A penis is not large enough to significantly stretch out a vagina, no matter how many times a woman has sex. As long as you don’t tear muscle tissues, you’re fine.
Jerome – I completely agree. The vagina is a very resilient organ that is made to endure extended use and multiple births throughout a woman’s life. If sex could damage it so easily, the human race would have died out years ago.
I recently had a one night stand with a gorgeous guy. He was really good in the sack, and really sweet during the whole time we were together. I have his number, but have been afraid to call or text him. I’m not looking for a relationship, but I really don’t like the emotionless one night stands that I usually have. I want to ask him to be my friend w/ benefits, but I don’t know how to broach the topic. Help?
Dr. Brame – I’m a strong proponent of asking for what you want. If you already had a night with him, you hopefully have a friendly relationship now, and the sooner you ask him the better. Why not text him a flirty message lightly suggesting a no-string relationship? Face-to-face might be too awkward and phone even worse, but even if the texting doesn’t go quite as planned, it’s a lot less painful.
Jerome – I’ve said it a million times, just ask for what you want. As the wise and edified Ying Yang Twins once brilliantly extolled, “a closed mouth don’t get fed.” That is very true, you can’t expect someone to give you that which you haven’t asked ask for.
Dr. Brame suggested a very low pressure way of asking for what you want. You’d be surprised how easy it is to be bold when you are removed from the immediacy of conversation.
I’m a guy and I’m thinking about getting the HPV vaccine. I know there are some benefits to getting it, but what are the negatives? My insurance doesn’t cover it, is it worth the cost?
Dr. Brame – There are no negatives to protecting yourself from being a carrier of HPV. HPV can have serious long-term consequences, including high risk of reproductive cancers and problems with fertility (in women). Since HPV is pandemic in the United States, if you are not already infected and have a chance to get the vaccine, I absolutely recommend it.
Jerome – I recently asked my doctor about the same thing. She told me that since I have been sexually active, it’s very likely that I have contracted HPV at some point. If I haven’t, the
vaccine could be useful, but if I have then it won’t be very helpful at all. She also informed me that there is, currently, no way to test for HPV in males.
With all that information, I decided to have the vaccine. If I have not contracted HPV, I can protect myself and my partners from the certain strains that the vaccine protects against. It only cost me about $30 and I figure it’s better to be safe than sorry.
I just found out that I’m pregnant. I’ve decided to have an abortion, because it’s the smart thing to do and the best option for me. What I want to know is, what should I expect? I’m not scared or worried about the procedure, I’ve read that it’s safe. But what is the experience like?
Dr. Brame – Different techniques are used depending on your stage of pregnancy, your health situation and your preferences. You might also be a candidate for an abortion pill instead of surgery. I recommend reading Planned Parenthood’s guide to how they do abortions at their own clinics to get a full understanding of safe and effective methods to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/abortion/in-clinic-abortion-procedures-4359.asp.
Jerome – As Dr. Brame said, Planned Parenthood is a wonderful resource for that sort of information. The closest PP to Eastern Michigan University is located at 840 Maus Ave., Ypsilanti, MI 48198.
Although you seem assured in your choice, it is always good idea to ask as many questions as you can think of when making such a large decision. The wonderful people at PP will be able to answer any questions you might have.
Once again I would like to thank Dr. Gloria Brame Ph.D. for her help this week. It was a pleasure, and I can’t wait to do it again.
Make sure you check out her lastest book “The Truth About Sex Volume 1: Sex and the Self “(A Sex Primer for the 21st Century). It’s filled with all sorts of useful and sexy information for a healthy sex life.
Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D., is the bestselling author of Different Loving (An Exploration of Sexual Dominance & Submission, a Groundbreaking Study on BDSM/Fetish Subcultures) and Come Hither (A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex, for Novices and Experienced Alike). With a Masters degree in English Literature from Columbia and experience as a journalist, her straightforward communication style allows her to share her expertise as a sex therapist and professor of sexology. Her goal is to share radical types of sexuality in a way mainstream audiences can understand and incorporate into their sex lives. More information about Dr. Gloria Brame is available at www.gloriabrame.com.