I give up. I’m selling out.
I mean, every week I labor over this column and try to write poignant, thought-provoking, interesting columns about serious relationship issues that affect everyone, but what do you guys like the best?
Sex.
The best response I’ve gotten since I started writing for The Echo was my column about one-night stands and the Walk of Shame. Second place? My column about sexual fantasies. Maybe I should just turn this thing into a sex column.
Come one, come all and share all your sordid sex stories. Ask me your sex questions. Eastern Michigan University’s love doctor is now officially in. Let’s get down and dirty.
But before you start salivating all over your paper and smudge the sports page, let’s think about this. Maybe I shouldn’t just write about sex. After all, don’t I have a moral responsibility to my readers to encourage healthy and responsible behavior?
Yeah, but what’s more natural than sex?
Okay, well what if I run out of things to write about? I mean, the Kama Sutra’s already been done. Savage Love has the kinky sex advice market cornered. I don’t know what I have to offer to the genre.
Maybe I could go all Carrie Bradshaw on you and write about my own wild, crazy sexual experiences. Of course, I would still need new material after that one column. Maybe I’ll go on a Stride With Pride rampage so I can build up a cache of wild sexual experiences I can write about, but I’m not entirely sure my girlfriend would approve of that.
I certainly don’t want to turn this into Dear Jeff. I mean, I’m the last person who should be giving you advice about how to live your life. Besides, I know that your letters would only tell, at best, half the story. If you started sending me letters asking for advice, my stock response would be:
“That’s very interesting. Now let’s hear the other side of the story.”
I’d be fired in a week!
Of course, there’s more to life than just sex. As much fun as it is to joke around about how sex-starved we are, or to brag about our sexual prowess, deep down we all really just want to connect and feel safe.
Well, connection is my specialty, so I think I’m gonna stick with it.
So I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be changing the focus of my column. Sex may sell, but a life of nothing but sex is a sad and empty life indeed. While sex is an important part of any healthy relationship, it’s not the only important part.
That means that The Metro Perspective is not about to turn into your one-stop shop for stories about toga party orgies and kinky fetishes.
Well, at least not all the time.
