After last week’s discussion on anal sex, I got a flood of question from you crazy kids asking me about hygiene. It appears that you’re convinced that everyone is just walking around full of mushrooms, which is just weird. So, I made this step by step guide to anal sex grooming.
When it comes to sex, nothing can ruin the moment faster than bad hygiene; this especially true when it comes to anal sex. With these collected tips from experts in the area of anal exploration (mainly me), you can make sure that your booty love mix keeps banging all night long.
#1 Deliver your food baby.
Your rectum is not always full of poo. But when it is, you need to get it out. It’s simple and easy, just pop a squat and do your thing.
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#2 Wipe!*
But not with toilet paper… that’s not hot. Toilet paper can leave scraps behind. It also doesn’t give you that over all clean feeling. If you spill frosting on the floor, do you use a wet cloth or a dry cloth to get it up? I suggest you upgrade to baby wipes or toilet wipes. Baby wipes are cheaper, bigger and smell better, so buy those.
Guys, this tip is especially important for your hairy butts. For y’all it’s more like cleaning frosting off a shag carpet. Think about it.
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#3 Wash! *
After you empty your bowels and wipe thoroughly you are, usually, good to go. However, sometimes stragglers can stay behind waiting to ruin your good time. Hop in the shower, and stick a soapy finger up your tush. Swirl it around and make sure your rectum is squeaky clean. Even if you’re confident in your clean, why not stick a finger or two up there just for funsies.
Go light on the detergent bar soap or switch to a natural and hypoallergenic soap. Detergent soaps can dry out the natural mucus inside of you and cause problems. Also, you do not want to use antibacterial soap because you need those natural bacteria to keep you from getting sick.
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#4 Flush!*
If you’re planning on more extreme anal play or your penetrative partner is particularly gifted, then you need to make sure that more than just your rectum is clear. This is where the water enema comes in. It helps clear your rectum and lower colon using water to get things moving. It takes a while, about an hour, to complete the whole process. But you will be clean as a whistle.
You have two choices for water enemas. Your first choice of enema is the bulb, which works like a turkey baster. The bulb requires less work at the beginning, but there is more cleaning and upkeep.
If you are concerned about people seeing your anal sex cleaning tools, you can hide it away in a drawer. You can normally find a reusable one for $20 and a disposable one for about $2.
A good reusable bulb enema should be made out of silicone so that you can boil it for sterilization.
Your second choice is the shower attachment. This option is for those that that want an intestinal tract so clean it would pass a Super Nanny white glove inspection. Usually it attaches between the shower faucet and shower head. A good one will have a long hose and a detachable metal, hard plastic, or silicone head for easy cleaning.
With your preferred method, squirt a bit of water up your butt and wait for it to come back out. Repeat it until the water comes out clear. Make sure to use warm water, because cold water causes cramps. A little water based lube will help the nozzle insert easier.
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#5 Fix your diet!*
If you find that you want to have your butt be a major player in your reindeer games, then it’s important to do regular maintenance. It’s cool to shove things up your tail pipe, but if you don’t fuel up properly you will be sorry.
The easiest and most efficient way to keep your exhaust system clear of gunk is the use of additives. In this case we’re talking about fiber. Fiber is like a magic supplement (it’s not really magic) that helps your digestive tract work more efficiently.
If you’re into eating a lot of veggies and what not then adding a bunch of leafy and dark green stuff shouldn’t be hard. But if you’re like most people, your diet consists of whatever is closest. In that case try a fiber supplement. There are all sorts of fiber supplements, powder, pills, tabs, liquids, etc. You’ll have to play around and find the mix that works best for your exhaust system. It will make a big difference.
On days you know someone is going spelunking in your cave of wonders, take a few extra precautions. Make sure to stay away from spicy food, dairy, and anything you know causes nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach or diarrhea.
#6 Enjoy!
This isn’t really a tip, but rather what you want to hear after making all these anal preparations. If you follow these tips, you could be hearing some hot piece screaming that your way. Have fun, you crazy kids.
