We have textbooks (for the most part), but we all know our real motivation for enrolling in college: dorm sex. You no longer have to live in fear of your mom popping her head in your room to grab dirty laundry. You are now free from the shackles of adult supervision. Yet in this state of liberty, we’re still faced with issues that can prevent us from doing the horizontal mambo.
Your roommate is the biggest obstacle when it comes to dorm sex. You should probably organize some kind of sex schedule in order to fairly divide private time unless you’re planning on including your roomie in your sexual endeavors. This can be tricky simply because when you stop returning your roommate’s phone calls, they will still know where you live. It’s ideal to avoid your roommate completely when engaging in hanky panky because college practically invented beds that squeak during sex.
Despite the noise, it’s common courtesy to keep your copulation off the community futon. However, if you catch your roommate in the act even once, you now have a one-time pass to make the beast with two backs on his or her possessions.
Not just the population, but the geography of your room can affect dorm sex. I know you’ve heard about it, and yes, the rumors are true. Strategically placed vents on the ceiling of honors dorms do exist in conjunction with loft beds to prevent nerds from getting it on. They’re left to toil away for hours past their bed time trying to calculate how long it will take before they can get some action. You might envy those who live off campus for their ample ceiling height. On the bright side, those who live in dorms have quick and easy access to the health clinic, which provides free STD testing and condoms for those who like to think ahead.
No matter what the obstacle, dorm sex is a part of college. How many times do you have to hit your head on a ceiling vent before you give up dorm sex? Let’s find out.
