I’m not just saying this to pander to my female readers, but I belong to a gender of complete idiots. I’m not kidding, every last one of us, myself included.
What brings this on, you might ask? Well, I’ve got this friend. His name is “Bob.” His name has been changed to protect the innocent and it’s entirely possible that Bob is someone other than myself – really.
Anyway, Bob has been seeing someone for a few months now. Let’s call her “Helga.” Nah, that’ll only get Bob in trouble. How about “Jenny”? Anyway, things between Bob and Jenny are really swell. Yes, swell.
The problem is with one of Jenny’s friends. After learning of Jenny’s new relationship, he decided that was the ideal time to reveal his hidden love for Jenny.
Jenny, bless her heart, has done the right thing. She’s told her friend she’s in a relationship and isn’t interested in him. Of course, the truth of the matter is she probably wouldn’t have been interested in him regardless, but that’s neither here nor there.
Let me sum up, in the most unambiguous of all manners, what I see as the problem:Some passive-aggressive, insecure twit—who doesn’t have the cahones to tell someone how he feels and stupidly harbors some idiotic “romantic fantasy” that the love of his life will some day appear naked on his doorstep, admit she’s always loved him and proceed to do his laundry and wash his dishes—realizes he might be completely screwed because his “object” (that word is in quotes for a reason) of affection is happy with someone else and he might have blown his chance.
So with nobody’s happiness but his own in mind, he risks destroying their friendship and maybe breaking a few hearts in the process.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I bring this whole silly story up not because it just happened to “Bob,” but because this is a very common phenomenon. It happens all the time. In fact, it’s even happened to me. Guys get scared that they’ve missed their chance, so they step on the gas pedal and give a perfectly good relationship a metaphorical lawn job.
Who knows? Maybe women do the same thing?
It happened to me once with one of my girlfriends’ ex-boyfriends, who wasn’t happy that she was happy with someone else. I ended up getting screwed big time in that one.
Heck, I’ve even used the phenomenon with a friend of mine who wanted to get her stubborn love interest off his bootie to make a move. We gave him the impression we might have been dating, and now they’re married.
True story.
Here’s the problem I have with this phenomenon. There are three sides to every triangle. When person A tries to steal person B away from person C, someone gets screwed. Sometimes everyone gets screwed.
Personally, I find it disgusting. I know that’s an intense word, but it fits how I feel. If you don’t have the courage to tell someone how you feel, then suffer the consequences. It’s your own damn fault.
I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be. Having been on the short end of the stick and having had my heart broken a few too many times, maybe I’m just a bit oversensitive. But I see countless examples of people who blindly act in their own self-interest without a thought for how their actions affect others, and it bothers me.
Am I completely off base for believing people can save themselves, and others, a lot of pain by being more open about their feelings? Maybe I’m just being unrealistic, the cock-eyed optimist.
But maybe it’s something we can all do a better job of. And maybe it can start with you.
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