Here we are at the end of another term, so I thought I would take a break from my typical serious material and do something a bit more fun. After all, what’s life without a little fun?
Besides, I have to get this done so I can study for my finals.
If you’re anything like me, you fill your idle time with the endless delights of the Internet: Facebook, Texts From Last Night, Fmylife and, of course, Craigslist Missed Connections. I check my Missed Connections every day.
A healthy mix of pathetic, entertaining and touching, Missed Connections has something for everyone. And who among us hasn’t clicked on that link secretly hoping to see something about yourself in there? I know I have.
And don’t tell me you’ve never considered posting one yourself. I remember having a great little chat with one of the EMU Dance Team members at Meijer Mania this year near the DJ table. My memory might be off, but I think her name was Kate. Yeah, I considered, for just a second, posting a Missed Connection about her before coming to my senses. Of course, what can you say that might remotely have a chance of success? It’s a real dilemma.
So today, for those who have ever found themselves lamenting their own missed connection, I thought I would establish some Missed Connection “etiquette” using actual Missed Connections posts as examples, so you have a better chance of success. Or, at least, you can make your post a bit more interesting for the rest of us.
Planning Your Post
The question you have to ask yourself is who is your audience? Let’s face it: the likelihood that the object of your stalk also happens to read Missed Connections is slim, at best. That being said, you’re really writing for us.
Start by making your headline entertaining. The more interesting you make your headline, the more likely it is that some random person who knows your stalk will click on it.
Heck, just today I saw headlines such as “smelly poet,” “Blocked by a tuba on the bus” and “Sexy circus freak.” Don’t tell me you wouldn’t read any of those just to see what the heck they say. My recent favorite is “Attention whip-wielding neighbor,” and the recent response to that one was even better than the original post!
So put a spin on what you want to say and make the headline amusing so more people will click on it.
The Post Itself
The first rule of Missed Connections? Whatever you do, don’t post one about someone you see on a regular basis. Missed connections are for people you saw in passing, but will probably never see again, so the posting “To my roommate” is just sad. Same goes for coworkers, classmates or fellow regulars at a coffee shop.
Second, please put enough information in your post so that we can figure out who the heck you’re talking about! Take this one, written about a guy in a locker room: “You were hanging out in some tighty whities, then brushed your teeth for a little bit before getting dressed.”
Spelling mistakes aside, that could apply to anyone at any gym who wears briefs.
Third, make it interesting. I go back to the “whip-wielding” post as a perfect example: “I often see you outside throwing knives at trees and sometimes cracking a whip. You seem to be an intriguing man. I live in the blue house across the street. Slip a sexy note under the door if you are interested.”
Sure, it violates rule number one, but it is so interesting, so who cares?
Finally, make sure you’re honest and explain why you didn’t just say “Hi” in the first place. This is your one shot at getting this person’s attention, long-shot that it is, so don’t waste your time screwing around.
“I wanted to just walk up and talk to you but you where talking to someone else at a small table. You wore glasses blue jeans big fuzzy boots and a maroon scarf! You are so incredably[sic] beautiful!”
I should open a Missed Connections copy editing business, but still, this is a great MC. Explicitly detailed, honest and contains an explanation. That might just be the paradigm of MC posting.
So the next time you make eye contact with some hottie as you cruise down Washtenaw, or you strike up a conversation with someone at a bar before their friends drag them away, and you’re wondering whether you’ll ever see them again, don’t be afraid to turn to Craigslist. If you follow my simple rules, you might just find that Missed Connections are the answer.
And, if nothing else, you’ll give me something entertaining to read between classes.
Good luck on finals!
Find The Metro Perspective’s Fan page on Facebook.
