I am soooo good at this relationship thing.
Of course, you all know that, right? I mean, you get to read about how great I am at relationships every week. I’m an expert, after all.
Right?
C’mon guys. Stop laughing. I was serious…
Okay, I wasn’t serious at all. The fact of the matter is that I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to relationships.
I don’t hear anyone laughing…
The truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as a relationship “expert.” I, personally, think that far too many people put their faith in self-proclaimed experts – Dear Abby, Dr. Phil, Dan Savage or Ask Isadora, and any of the thousands of other people who deem themselves better qualified than you to tell you how to live your life.
But what do they really do? Someone writes them a letter complaining about their love life and they use sweeping generalizations to tell them what they probably already knew in the first place.
They’re utterly useless.
I mean, think about it. Have you ever heard anyone tell you a story about something that happened while you were there? They never get it right, do they?
That’s because they’re only telling the story from their perspective, and they only know as much of the story as they see. It’s like trying to describe Ann Arbor from driving past it on I-94.
People are very complicated creatures, and no two are the same. Put two of them together and you’ve got something infinitely more complex, and also completely unique. Since people rarely live in bubbles, their relationships are also influenced by friends, family, competing interests and any of an infinite number of other factors. It seems almost overwhelmingly complicated, doesn’t it?
How in the world can a complete stranger give any type of meaningful advice with only a sliver of the whole picture? They can’t. All they can do is speak in generalities that are generally sound, but don’t necessarily apply to your situation.
And that’s why their advice is so appealing to so many people. It sounds good.
There’s a danger in putting too much stock in “expert advice,” though. The fact of the matter is that they have no idea what’s really going on. Even more dangerous is the fact that, being styled as “experts” in human relations, we tend to give them great deference.
I’ve often wondered what Dr. Phil’s home life is like. Is he happily married? Has he achieved relationship nirvana? And what would Mrs. Phil say if her husband tried playing the “I’m-an-expert” card while they were having an argument?
Dr. Phil would probably be sleeping on the couch that night.
I’m more of a proponent of the trust-your-gut approach. You may not have the slightest idea what’s going on in your love life, but the scary thing is that you know a hell of a lot more than anyone else does.
Love is really just a lifelong game of trial and error. We’re all blindly feeling our way along, hoping that something we do turns eventually out right. The real beauty of it, though, is that it usually does.
Whether it’s skill, divine providence or just plain dumb luck, people manage to find happiness all the time. It just takes a little faith and the courage to take a chance and let it happen. Trust your gut and your heart, and everything will turn out alright.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go.
Dr. Phil is on.